Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
It has been awhile since the 30 days of truth have graced my blog. That last one was a hard one to get over. This one is equally as hard. I often get asked about my siblings. Sometimes I say it all and sometimes I don’t. But when I claim them all I always add a preface to explain my “weird” relationships with my siblings. I have three siblings.
My oldest sister is my guys age. She has three kiddos herself and is an amazingly strong inspiration to me. Many times in my life she lead me and protected me with a motherly type grace adding in a few cuss words cause she is known for ungraceful mouth. We look a lot alike and often get told we are “twin” like. But there is one massive difference. I am 5 feet 5 inches and she is 4 feet 9 inches. She is height challenged and I look like a giant next to her. I am so proud of her and what she has done with her life. All of my girls have some connection to her somehow. Here is the touchy part. We have the same parents therefore making her my “real” sister.
I fought to my death growing up that my other siblings were just as real. I loved them just as much and was just as close to them. Then we grew up and now we just share a mother that somehow tries to keep us all connected. Life changes, our directions changed and our views on life changed. I have a younger sister who, hope you will forgive me, I don’t even know her age anymore. My girls don’t really know her as their aunt. She is now married and has a child of her own. #1 got to experience some of life with her around but eventually she met a boy and that changed. Some could say good some could say bad. All I will say is the last time my girls saw her was for a party when my #2 was barely a few months old. I did go to her wedding a year or so later but I wasn’t a part of it and really watched from inside a building.
It actually kind of embarrasses me that it is that way because I have friends who would kill for a sister. But we just can’t get it right. I am a stubborn ass who has a lot of water of the bridge there that I am not willing to wade through and I suspect the same may hold true for her too. I never wish her any ill will and actually send nothing but love. I have reached out a few times and offered for us to be closer for her to know my girls and I her son but it just didn’t happen hence the water. I, for a fact, know that she reads my blog fairly regularly and I guess at times that makes me happy because she knows they exist and they are doing so well but I miss not knowing her son. At other times it makes me upset because I wonder if you go to the effort to read, why not go to the effort to return phone calls or emails. It just doesn’t happen.
I thankfully through faith have made as much peace as I can with this and know for now it has to be this way. I am sad about it and I miss that little sister who I loved so much. We just are not the same people and we don’t seek out the same things in life. But she is and will always be my real sister.
Then there is a brother. A much younger brother. He is an awesome kid. Our disconnect isn’t the same as above. It is just age and distance. We are 14 years apart. He was my momma’s late in life baby and we have always had more of a aunt/nephew relationship. I wish I could see him more but he is a poppa now and has a serious girlfriend. He is working, going to school and just trying to figure life out at his age. I get that and know with time that relationship can and will exist again.
Thankfully, I get to see him much more than sister #2. He usually attempts to come to my house once a year and see us. And his daughter, his baby girl has even made in my 365 photos. She is adorable and I just adore her am so grateful I get to have a relationship with her and so do my girls. I pray and worry about him so much, but I trust that in time he will get it right. His heart is always in the right place in life.
Why the drifting away? I have just concluded for myself that life is like this for me. People come in and out. I even told my friend last night that my idea of important friendships and family is so different or even progressive. Some people you have a choice over and some you don’t. Some you need to let go and some you need to hold on fiercely too. I am never sure if it is right or wrong and I wish my girls could know both my brother and sister the way I knew them growing up. They are amazing and special people who will do/have done amazing and special things. And I know in my heart we will reconnect and that drift will move closer.
It may not be happening daily, but it will happen 30 times….My 30 Days of Truth